B. Hudson

Well at this point we are just the 3 brothers anticipating the arrival of the 4th, and his new bride.  I’m really excited.  That honestly is putting it pretty lightly.

My crazy flute playing brother arrived with long hair, so I obliged to use colorful nomenclature such as “Sally” when I refer to him.  Why?  Well thats just our way in the Hudson family.  Other than that he seems pretty normal… I had actually been a little frightened to see what he looked like as my father calls him scary skinny, and honestly the guy has never had any “extra” weight, so loosing what weight he had is a travesty for humanity.
My other brother, the one I refer to as “the convict”, is actually settling in rather nicely to his life with his woman.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, women are the reason for society.  Guy would totally live in a shack with a 50″ plasma TV and never want for anything else.  Women require us to venture out of the normals that we would normally confine ourselves to.  Anyway, his lady has apparently the right combination of being ridiculously nice, while being firm enough with my brother (c’mon we all have some inner knucklehead in us..) to keep him on the straight and narrow.  He’s crazy smart, and ready to take the world on.  I think with his recent grade report from his school (deans list, FTW) he is actually starting to believe that he IS as smart as I always told him he was.  I’m thrilled to see him leave his older habits in the past and push forward into being the kind of remarkable that we all knew (but as guys, could never say) he could be.  I wonder if its that he grew up enough to do this, or if his lady is just the catalyst for this change.  Either way its awesome.

Unfortunately, he’ll probably graduate college before me and with this “deans list” crap, I’ll be the brother with the lowest GPA.  Such is life, I suppose.  I really couldn’t ask for a better bunch for my brothers, and I’m honored to be family with them.  With any luck when they all go out and make millions they’ll toss a few grand my way for just believing in them.. well its a thought. 

I’ll be back on in a day or so to fill in where the Dr comes in!!

Firstly.. Read this  BLOG

Then understand the plight of the REAL Dad.  I am overly hands on with my son.  To the point of almost being a control freak.  I’ve said it on here before, and I repeat it.  I wanted to be a Dad since I was 10 years old.  THIS was what life was about for me.  I WANTED to hold him in my arms.  I WANTED him with me every moment.  My wife has talked to me about breaking ME of having him sleep with us (don’t freak out, he comes back there.. I just don’t deny him).

The modern consensus is that Fathers as a whole have not evolved.  Have not changed from the oddly inaccurate depiction of Ward Cleaver, where we are in our room reading/smoking while Mom does everything.  It’d be nice if life was this easy, but I didn’t have a kid so that I could let someone take care of him.  Everyday I pick him up from daycare and I tell him the same thing “I missed you ALL day!”.  Its a ritual and a truth at the same time.  He will run past his mother most times to actually get to ME.  He is in all definitions a “daddy’s boy”.

The fact that some people would intentionally write me off as a caregiver would put me to the point of being.. well, myself.  I’ve also stated that I’m NOT a nice person.  I push as hard as I can to be as nice as I am as is.  Even with all that effort, I am no where NEAR what anyone would consider “nice”.  Were someone to look at my wife and respond in kind as these individuals do, I would without hesitation ask them what kind of a shiffless loser they are married to that wouldn’t be involved in the life he helped create.  I would devolve to name calling at a speed that would rival lightspeed.

No apologies.  I was spoken down to for a LONG time among my coworkers for just being a “man”.  As if having testicles somehow precluded me from knowing how to raise a kid, or knowing how to take care of my little one(s).  I battled this furiously as this is what I was about.  This is WHY I have done all that I have done in life.  I work to provide for my family, I go to school to get more money to provide better for my family (in quiet hopes I’ll get more time with them in doing so).

I take pride in very few things in life.  My main is my family.  I have a GREAT family, extended and immediate.  I also won’t be spoken to like a 2nd class citizen just because I can’t give birth to a kid.

First of all.. Family is where its at.  Don’t doubt it.  If you have no family, go get a kid.  Kids always like you.  They are great, and my little 3 year old, can cure most everything I have ever had wrong with me.  Seeing his smile/dance when he sees me as he screams “DADDY!” could cure anything, and thats a fact.  I’ve walked into the back door ready to blow up on anyone close to me.  Bad days happen, and for me they are more frequent than the good ones.  This guy cures it with just either/both of those actions.

I can literally say, with a bulging disk in my back that I have been in agonizing pain.. had him do this and I really forgot about it for a while.  I am not so sure there is a medical correlation to this, or if maybe I just love that guy too much.  Truth is, I think it might be that he loves ME that much.  That I just REALLY made his whole day by coming in the back door.  He’s started to get away from this habit, but I am still fortunate enough to get this attention from time to time.  My oldest two are to the stage that they aren’t too sure they want to hug you.  They will, but there’s no dance.. no giggling..   So the lesson here is that young kids rule, older kids suck.

I am overwhelmed mostly with the love from my family.  I have wanted this family for most of my life now, and reaping in the pain/love is more than I had even hoped for.   I had wanted to be a dad for SO long, and to have it be this real to me is just fantastic.

I’m not perfect, or would I say I was.  I do the best I can, and I am just really appreciating my family and all the crazy/adorable/mean/hateful/insightful/intelligent/wonderful/caring/emotional things they do.. Which is what makes you guys ROCK in a major way

I may not be perfect, but I am always right… and I always love you.

Probably the most influential person I have had in my life growing up was my mom.  #2 was Uncle Dave.

There was always, and to some degree still is, a divide between me and my Dad.  I think my side of it is that I feel like his life with my brothers was so great, and my life was pretty hard.  While on his side, he barely knows me.  I mean its like saying some guy on the street is your kid.  How do you act?  I mean he’s known I was his kid from birth, couldn’t deny me if he wanted to.. Just saying him in Hawaii most of my life, and me in Louisville.. We aren’t well acquainted like Father-Son Duo’s usually are.

So much to his chagrin, Uncle Dave was my father figure growing up in my teenage years.  He’s a perpetual smart a–, and sarcastic as the day is long.  Which I now am.  Probably most of the people who have found themselves on the end of one of my tirade’s would wish Dave had left me the heck alone.  I don’t know if he did it out of a service to his brother (my Dad), or if he did it because he felt he should (since I’m family), or if he did it because he just really thought I was awesome.  Probably the awesome one.  Dave was better to me most of the time than I really understood.  He was always there.  I’d call him just to talk to him, cause I missed “hanging with Dave”.  Like my Father, I don’t think he ever got along with my Mom.. but it was never an issue for me.

Anyway, I am in TOTAL denial.  Total and complete denial, he told me he was needing to be tested for alzheimers and I’m overwhelmed.  It quickly over-ran all I had mentally to understand/cope/deal with it.  He’s not really that old, but I guess that friggin disease starts at some point.  Anyway.  I’m ticked off that he might have it, worried that he does, and praying that he doesn’t.

I don’t keep in touch, I’m really bad with that anyway.  I’m really bad at almost everything interpersonally that people depend on.  I barely have any time to myself, and that time is either in the wee hours of the morning (Midnight World of Warcraft!!), or stolen from my family at large.  Right now, whether its right or wrong my priorities are for the people I live with first.  When/if I can get them to a place where me leaving won’t collapse the house of cards, I’ll be able to visit my Mom, and Uncle Dave.. maybe even a few of the others if they don’t hate me by then.

Well I’m freaked out.. its inevitble and I know this.  People get old and wild stuff happens to them.  I guess I’ve been so blindsided by my son having crazy things happen to him, I just never considered anything for old people.  getting old = sucks.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned before, but my wife is super.  I don’t mean as in she can fly or looks good in tights.. hm.. well she can’t fly..

Anyway I was just thinking just how magnificent she is in just about every conceivable way.  She is a beautiful beacon of awesomeness, wrapped up in a sweater.. (always a sweater I don’t know why.. but always..)

I say this for a few reasons:

1. She’s got her Bachelors degree (which seems funny to have a degree in being a bachelor when you’re married.. but I digress)
2. She’s a mother of at least 1 good kid (at any given moment at least 2 are acting like wild animals.. so just by probability 1 is good)
3. She works with some of the most self-important people I’ve ever run across, and has NEVER put anyone in their place (a hobby of mine, even though deb has mellowed me over the years)
4. She is FUNNY.  And I don’t mean like, wearing funny shoes, or like walkin around with a “Kick me” sign on.  I mean FUNNY.  Even when arguing with me she gets really upset and tongue tied.  Then she says something funny, and I instantly forget #1 what we are fighting about and #2 what she could have possibly meant by what she tried to say.  I joke around an awful lot and it takes a woman with some extreme tolerances to live with me and not jump in front of a bus.  She’s the woman though, through and through.  While I make jokes, she’s usually pretending not to notice.. or pretending she’s tuning me out.  Thats fine.  She still laughs.  My favorite thing to do is clown around just to make her laugh.  Oh.. thats another one
5. She has an awful cool laugh.  I’m sayin it comes off in a way that you just KNOW she #1 thought something was funny, and #2  really really needed that laugh.  She’s gotten stubborn over years of laugh abuse (me) forcing her to laugh by being hysterically funny.  Or just stupid.. probably a little of both.

Anyway, theres always time to tell someone you love, that you Love them.  I totally love you Deb.  Don’t forget it.  Nothing could improve my feelings for you.  Nothing but a totally awesome StarWars Marathon!!!! (just kidding)

(but seriously if you’re up for it, let me know)

XO

Well today my oldest son decided that whatever trace of common sense he had was something worth ignoring.  The kid did the following things

1. He called a little girl “fat” at school, and hurt her feelings(honestly, bad but not something I’m worried about)
2. We had some cookies that, I bought specifically for my wife (oreo FIEND!), and I had put them up REALLY high.  He climbed up on top of a barstool we have and got himself a package of them.  Mind you, our uber-super-sharp kitchen knives set is in the direct path of this.
3. Forged a note from his teacher saying that “Glenn had already done his homework at skool”.

With #1, I’m not surprised.. He’s kinda turned into a jerk lately.  Relishing in the irritation of others.  I know I did this too, but I’m sure I didn’t go to the extremes he visits when irritating his sister.

With #2, honestly aside from him being a hyperactive kid, I have no real issue with him getting some cookies.  My issue is he climbed up and could have fell down and broken his neck, let alone pulled a case of sharp kitchen knives down with which to impale himself.  I mean really.. eat the cookie but at least don’t do something to try to kill yourself!

#3.. Its terribly funny, but a side note.. it was written.  (wait for it)… IN CRAYON!.  I’m not saying a college educated professional wouldn’t WRITE a note in crayon, I’m just saying that this same person wouldn’ tdo so and still misspell the word “school”.  So this note, was so far from being believable, the only thing he could do to discredit it more was to forge it IN FRONT of us.

I honestly don’t know what to do with the guy.  His only real punishment now is writing his words, and not eating dinner with the rest of us.  I mean nothing really works, and I’ve tried it all.. Positive reinforcement, nope.  Spanking, nope.  Time out, nope.  He doesn’t have a favorite THING to take away, so that isn’t a punishment.  Sit in your room?  nope, he’s fine with that too (not initially, but it looses its affect when he starts dozing off on the bed).  To top things off, his “real” dad is taking him and his sister this weekend.  This promises to be a good weekend for ME as I won’t have to deal with his jerk-ness.  I always miss the guy but its hard to miss someone who delights in causing you more trouble than they should.  Honestly with all the things he’s done in the past and the path he’s on, I don’t know what to do.  Until an epiphany comes through, I can only continue my course and hope for better medication for him that perhaps can level out his wackiness a little.   I’d love to say, his dad will support us and keep the heat on him for the weekend, but I doubt it as much as I doubt George Bush is the second coming of Christ.  So whatever we impose is a lost battle.  He’ll run off and have a grand time and forget ever screwing the pooch this bad.

I know parenting is supposed to be hard, but really the little problems I can handle.  But how do you reach a kid that doesn’t care and has no real idea of how to connect wrongdoing with consequence.  When he can escape punishments by running off to his dad’s or his grandparents.  I feel like I have no way to fix this, and as a guy being unable to fix things frustrates me.  Oh well.. keep on truckin is all I can do..

There is a certain gift children, especially mine, have for totally missing the point of anything.  I think it is what allows them to BE children.  They lack the constant fear that we all have that ya know what there is something bad that could happen if I do “THIS” or don’t do “THAT”.

Part of this falls under responsibility, and that has a firm nest in maturity, which of course no child should really have.  They SHOULD want to run around like wild animals and have a good time.  I did it.  You did it.  The stuffy person you know in Accounting did it too (although accountants are a breed unto their own).

My Kids (the older 2) who are in school have stopped worrying about actually DOING work in school.  Its more fun to goof around and talk.  (which, duh.. it is)  The real problem here is my boy, is a big brained freak.  He can totally ditch homework for months and get 100’s on all his work.  No worries.  My daughter needs coaching.  And she’s doing the same thing.  Ditching homework/classwork.  Even at this young age, I am just pushed to my limit trying to get them to make the grades they need to make.  I mean is it REALLY imperative they get an A in art?  No.  In anything?  No.  Now if they want to be in the advanced program (my son does), I’d say straight A’s would certainly HELP that appeal to get in.  And my daughter skirts the D average at a low area, or at least she did this past year.  I blogged it, I ‘m sure.  She’s just as smart as the boy, but she doesn’t care enough to do it.  I hate to say that but I really think there is a priority list, and school is close to the bottom.. right above “doing what mom/dad says”.

If you pray, pray for my kids.  Heck, pray for ME!  Cause this year is not starting out too hot, and there is enough stress in life without having to tell a kid to DO the thing called homework, because it is a requirement.

Well I got something in the email today.. something.. awesome.

Turns out my youngest brother will (at least attempt) to come to my dad’s for Thanksgiving.  The other 2 are there now already (Dr Hudson, and inmate #7867545 (j/k)), so on thanksgiving, there will be a gathering.. one unseen for many years.

All 4 brothers in the same place at the same time.  If you are in Charlotte at that time, look to the darkening sky and feel afraid.  God only knows what we’ll do, LOL!!

I’m really pumped, as this brother is most like me (less about 200lbs) and the brother I connected with the most often, and most sincere.  Dr Hudson is kinda busy.. Well.. trying to get to being a Dr.  And the inmate?  crap I dunno.  That guy seems to have it all, and has no idea what to do with it (legally, that is).

Dr Hudson was recently married and I missed it, so I’m hoping to have enough scratch to give him something for his wedding when I get there..  Finances being what they are I somewhat doubt it, but still.

This Saturday, my mother-in-law wanted to take my little guy (3yr old) for an evening of being spoiled and mass attention.

**Preface**
My son loves his grandmothers and on everyday of the week prefers them to me and my wife. So much so does he prefer them that if they even show up to say hi, he’ll go put his shoes on and say “I go to your house now”..

That being said.. Mother-in-law takes off with my little guy, and had plans to go see “surfs up” (which sucked BTW), and then to get some toys and take him back to her place to hang out and play.  After the movie, in the car on the way to her house.. My guy goes..

“I don’t want to go to your house Memaw.. My daddy needs me”  (which I do, naturally)  Then tells my mother-in-law that he doesn’t like her and he doesn’t want to go to her house.  I assume she tried a strong arm tactic, and he broke out his big guns.. tears.  He must’ve started balling cause she turned around (20 minutes into the trip) and brought him home.  I played things exactly how I probably shouldn’t.. I was so HAPPY!!  I was unhappy of his rudeness to his “memaw” but to say I wasn’t elated to put my grubby mits on him again would be a terrible lie, and one I could not tell you.  I really think she holds me in some contempt now for this, as if I had planned it..  I didn’t.. but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t wicked happy to see him.

I’ve mentioned before on here about how I do NOT like sharing him.  It is through my wife that both his grandmothers should thank for ever seeing the kid.  I don’t want to share, ever.  I am greedy.  I have wanted this guy since I was 10, and more than a decade later I got one (much closer to 2 decades later).  My other kids I have to share with their other grandparents and their “real” dad.. I even told my wife “I’m not sharing this one..”  and other comments like “Finally I don’t have to share..”.  My wife has informed me through furrowed brows and almost a glare, that he NEEDS to spend time away from us.. I point out that I work 8 hours a day away from him, and seeing me for 48 hours straight on the weekends wouldn’t be so bad.  She contends this is “better” for him.  I think his argument says it best.. so I made it the title of this post.. he can’t.. “his daddy needs him”..

Well this weekend my wife and I will be short my 2 big pains in the butt, and left with the little one.  hehe..

Their “real” dad is becoming much more active with them.  I have mixed feelings about this.

1) I know they need time with their real dad, as I can never be that for them.  Period.

2) I have raised them, and kinda like them.. So them not being here is frustrating for me

3)  I can use a break now/then from the little bone-heads..  even if I don’t WANT a break

4) It gives me some 1:1 time with my little fella which is nice since most of the time my attention is split 3-4 ways.

Oh well I know when I was growing up, the time with my dad was precious to me.  Like nothing I could ever convey in words.  I hope theirs is that way also..